From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
