I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize