It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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