i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Just pee around me
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize