Tell her she can't have a vagina
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
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