you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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