I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
