Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
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