Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
