He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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