So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
