I wish life had little blips of pornography
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
