I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
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