She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
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