remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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