my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
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