I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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