Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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