how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
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