I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
