The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize