my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
