I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
