So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
