Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
As shirtless as possible
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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