sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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