Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
