Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
