I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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