Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
