put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
