Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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