I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
