Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize