doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Just puked most of my soul out..
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