I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Use "feeling words"
Yay
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
