I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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