Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
