Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I stole a fireplace last night.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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