I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Randomize
