I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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