i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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