I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Text me some of your sweat
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
