he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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