oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
