In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
