i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
