OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
