The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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