DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
