FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
