She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
