my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Randomize
