he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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