I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
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