i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
