My Higher Power is John Stamos
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
