Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
