There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Cover your peen. We're going out.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
