I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
