I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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