they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
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