so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
i dont even know how to be here
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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