I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Randomize