I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I have surprise drugs for everyone
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
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