Whod you bang
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
