2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
it glows. i had to have it.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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