Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
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