I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Damn victory sex feels great
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
