just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
