just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
where are you?
Hypothermia
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
