Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
