I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I had to cum in my sink.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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