put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
