yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Randomize
